There are several reasons for this posting, and I'm sure that most of you probably don't care about those reasons. Well, I AM going to write about them, so, if you are someone who is not interested (which I imagine would be most of you), exit now, and forever hold your peace!
One of the reasons for this posting is probably that I have been in the bed with the flu for almost a week, and I'm still not feeling well. Another reason is that, while laying in the bed, in and out of consciousness, I have been wondering why I am doing this blog. It is not like I have time on my hands and need a hobby. I have a full-time job, and I stay busy with activities outside the home. I have very little self-confidence, so a blog is not something I should be doing. I am one of those women who has never "put on her big girl panties" (even though I have some that were sent to me by a friend who thinks I need to put them on). What other people say still has an impact on me. After a lot of self-questioning of my reasons for this blog, I have reached some conclusions, and I'll be sharing those conclusions now. So,again, if you are not interested, which I would imagine most of you are not, exit now.
Now that I've probably lost any audience who came into this posting, I'm going to reveal the conclusion I have reached. I am writing this blog for ME! Yes, it is self-serving, but I always try to be honest with myself, so I have had to admit that I am the reason for the blog. Growing up, I always believed that I would be a writer. I wanted to be "Jo" in "Little Women". As a child, I would go up into the attic of our house and write page after page of nothing (yeah, I know, now I'm doing it on a blog). As I grew up (actually, I'm still working on that), I realized that I not only didn't have the talent for writing, I also didn't have the self-confidence for writing. I realize one rejection would be all it would take for me to put the "book" away, and never attempt getting anything published again. You cannot imagine the courage I have had to summon to post a blog! I realize now that I should never have told anyone about it and kept it my private place, but at the time, I had not yet admitted to myself that I was doing it for me.
Anyone who has read any of my blog, knows that I apologize for my "books" in every blog I write. In my heart, I KNOW that nobody wants that much information. I know that, even my friends, don't read every word I write, and that's okay. If they weren't my words, I probably wouldn't read all of them either. I know that my friends leave glowing comments on my blogs, and I also know that is because I have such kind friends. In the midst of those glowing comments, came the one anonymous comment that started me analyzing my reason for my blog. It was such a tiny comment, but for someone to have gone to the trouble to leave the comment, they must have felt the necessity to attempt to let me know something. Well, it worked. The comment, and I quote, was "zzzzzzzzzz"(give or take a "z" or two). Of course, if I am putting someone to sleep, I do not understand why they have read the entire posting. If they didn't read the entire posting, how could they judge it by only reading a portion? And why do they feel compelled to leave a comment? As I said earlier, just "exit". Don't waste your time reading something you don't find interesting, and certainly don't waste your time telling me about it. Nobody, including my friends, is required to read my blog, because I have come to the realization that this blog is for me. It is fulfilling my dream of writing. When I write a posting, I am that child again, attempting to be "Jo" in "Little Women". I am merely indulging MY fantasy.
Now, on to the next topic (of course there is more, did you think I could stop with just that?). Those of you who saw my rooms posted on RMS, realize that my "decor" is not what most people enjoy. I love being surrounded by my treasures. Many of them were inherited and others were collected, and each of them holds special meaning. I have actually cried when I've watched those shows on t.v. when a professional is telling people that if you get rid of the object, you'll still have the memory. I know in my brain that is true, but I also know in my heart that I can't make myself get rid of those treasures. Okay, I'm going into another self-analyzing trip here.. self-analyzing is something I do frequently, so if you are not interested (and why would you be?), exit now. I was adopted when I was three years old. I have nothing from my biological family and no memories of my biological family. I've always wondered if that is the reason I feel the need to keep all of my memories through "things". No, I'm not trying to make excuses, I just believe that may be the reason I have so much trouble parting with "things".
I know that I am supposed to "lay up my treasures in heaven" and hopefully, I am doing that too. I try to be a kind and generous person, and I just have to hope that the fact that I lay up material treasures (although my treasures do not have much monetary value) on earth does not keep me out of heaven. I know some people "rotate" their accessories in their homes, but I haven't seemed to be able to make that work in my home. So, this is the way I live, and I've decided this is the way I like to live. My dh apparently loves me enough that he has decided this is the way he will live too, and he even adds to my collections at times!
I expected some criticism when I posted my rooms on RMS, but I never expected people to be so passionate in their criticism! Why does anyone care how I live? Why does anyone think they have to convince me to change the way I live? I am content in my home. I am aware that most people who come into my home wonder why in the world anybody would have so much "stuff", and sometimes that bothers me, but not enough to make me do anything about it. It takes so much courage for me to post a picture of my home on this blog, so, if you are one of those people who, when they see a picture of my cluttered home, are compelled to tell me that my clutter makes them crazy and that I have to do something about it, please just exit. This is my blog, and I'll write and post what I want to -- even if nobody else ever visits it. (How's that for "putting on my big girl panties"?)
Now that I have realized that this is my blog and that nobody else has to read it, (and after this posting, I probably won't have any visitors), I'm going to quit apologizing for my books and my clutter (I hope). After all, it's me. Take me the way I am or JUST EXIT. Thank you for stopping in my blog. Remember, you may exit at any time. laurie (bargainhunr)